Saturday, December 1, 2012

Colin Kaepernik - the guy we have all dated.

You know that guy. The guy you met during that low point in your life in between college and a career. You were living at home, maybe, and were trying to avoid running into people you went to high school with. After a few too many craft beers, you meet this guy. Tattoos, no real stable job, but cracks you up and orders you another beer. You agree to meet again at another bar later on that week, which leads to a river date, and next thing you know, you're in a quasi relationship with THAT guy.

He may or may not have had a few run ins with the police. He knows all the local bouncers, has more than a few fights under his belt, and has the best weed supplier on speed dial.

Bonus points if he has his area code tattooed somewhere.

Eventually you start to look forward to his calls. Even if you know its not going anywhere, it's still a good time. Then one day, you walk into your favorite dive bar after not hearing from him for a week or so, and there he is with a super bleached out slightly overweight girl, who he explains is his girlfriend/wife/baby mama.

As you leave, you realize its a good wake up call, you could have become THAT girl. Its the kick in your ass to rededicate yourself to job applications  and moving out to anywhere.

So what I want to know is, how did THAT guy end up as starting quarterback?? He replaced Alex Smith who has done decently for the 49ers in the past. Alex Smith got one concussion, and next thing you know there is Kaepernik. Sort of like when you missed that ONE party and you hear he is making out with a new girl.

Don't worry Alex, we have all been there. Get some ice cream and some wine, and just know that karma will catch up to one day.

Dammit, it better.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Kate Upton is dating WHO?

That was my question today while I was listening to Dan Patrick (Dan Peeezy for all you who don't know).  I've been a big Kate Upton fan since I found out she used to show horses, and as a Sports Illustrated cover model, she HAS to have her pick of guys.

 Not exactly what I wear to ride, but whatever floats your boat!

So i'm guessing now - it must be an athlete since it was on Dan Peezy, and of course my guess is football or basketball player. I'm thinking like a young QB, maybe a Cam Newton or a Brady Quinn? (Who I would date in a heart beat). Nope, its Justin Verlander.

I had to google this guy, because I don't follow baseball at all, except I know there is some famous pitcher they call the beard. I was SO hoping she didn't end up dating him - not sure my mind could handle that. Here's who he is.

Cute, in an aw-shucks kind of way. I guess he is the pitcher for the Detroit Tigers and is doing pretty well. Nothing too interesting on his, except that he has a pregame ritual of eating Taco Bell. And he gets his Mexican Pizza without tomatoes (my favorite).

Points for the tacos, but I'm not sure this relationship is going to be a long lasting one...

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Babies, Babies, Babies

Living in a military community, it is amazing the amount of children people have around here. I don't know if it's the water, or that birth control stops working after deployments, but this is most certainly a family community. You know, just like the NFL.

Congratulations Ben! You're now a father!

Big Ben and his wife just had their first baby, a boy named after his Dad. While congratulations are certianlly in order, you have to wonder what will happen as little Ben gets older. What will those conversations about girls be like? 

"You know son, when you meet a girl and try to use a pick up line, try something else besides 'take my shots, bitches'". 

or maybe something more like:

"If you're at the club late, just say no to hanging out near the ladies bathrooms". 

Seriously though, with google remembering everything we ever have done or written, a lot of future parents are going to need to be coming up with some excuses. Those wild trips to Mexico, or that one bad relationship won't ever just fade away anymore. It's there, forever. FOR-EV-ER. 

Maybe the Kardashian's' have it right. Their kids won't even have to read the stories, they can just watch old reruns of how Mom and Dad's relationship fell apart. 

Monday, November 26, 2012

A Thanksgiving without football

A thanksgiving without football in my family is like a Christmas without a tree, or Fourth of July without fireworks.  Growing up, holidays always had a football sound track served with beer and taco dip. Every year, no matter the location. Taco dip + football = holidays.

Now that I've moved to Germany, football doesn't really happen the same way it used to. We have NFL game pass, but listening to games on the laptop at 7pm just doesn't evoke the same feelings.

Weird how a sport that used to piss me off has some how become so integral to the holiday season. It's official, I've been converted.

Tebow missed his thanksgiving this year too

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Count down to trouble?

Hope Solo recently got married. To recall, Hope Solo is the face of the US women’s soccer team, twice gold medalist, model for Sports Illustrated “bodies” issue, and of Dancing with the Stars.

I had never heard of her husband, an apparent former NFL player named Jerramy Stevens (not a typo). 

Not a bad looking guy...

According to Wikipedia (my source of choice tonight it seems) he is currently a free agent, but has been pretty busy in the past few years. In between playing some mediocre football, this is what else he has been up to:

  • On June 2, 1998, Stevens was arrested on charges of second-degree assault armed with a deadly weapon and fourth-degree assault. According to a police report, Stevens and a friend engaged in a fight with a 17-year-old and witnesses said Stevens stomped on the man's face. Stevens agreed to a plea deal of a charge of misdemeanor assault.
  • On July 10, 1998, Stevens tested positive for marijuana and served a day in jail.
  • On July 27, 2000, Stevens was arrested for the sexual assault of a 19-year-old University of Washington freshman. Stevens initially denied having sex with the accuser, but later admitted to having sex with her in the yard of a fraternity house in the early morning hours of June 4, 2000, after a fraternity party, but maintained it was consensual. However, a UW student who walked by and witnessed them having sex called 911 to report it as a possible rape, noting that the woman appeared to be drugged; he described her as "half passed out ... eyes glazed ... no one home."[7][8] Stevens's semen was found in the victim, who was penetrated vaginally and anally, and numerous witnesses testified that she acted as if drugged at the party. Police suspected a date rape drug was given to the woman at the party, but blood samples were taken too late for testing. Despite these suspicions, the King County prosecutor declined to file rape charges against Stevens due to "confusing and conflicting statements".[7][8] A civil suit, which resulted in a settlement, was later filed by the victim. The civil settlement was not publicly disclosed, but according to published reports included a $300,000 payment by Stevens to the plaintiff. The investigation and aftermath of this incident and the subsequent decision to not charge Stevens were reported by the Seattle Times.[7][8]
  • On May 4, 2001, Stevens was cited for reckless driving and hit and run after crashing into a nursing home. Stevens pleaded guilty to hit-and-run and causing property damage and was sentenced to 240 hours of community service.
  • On April 3, 2003, Stevens was stopped by Medina, Washington police and was charged with reckless driving and driving while intoxicated. He pleaded guilty to reckless driving and was fined $1,000 and was sentenced to two days in jail because the judge ruled Stevens violated his probation from the hit-and-run case.
  • On March 13, 2007, Stevens was arrested in Scottsdale, Arizona for suspicion of DUI after his blood alcohol content was measured at 0.204, over twice the legal limit of .08 and considered "extreme DUI" in Arizona. He was later found guilty in a court trial, and was subsequently sentenced to 12 days in jail and fined $3,160.[9] This sentence was later decreased to 10 days by a Scottsdale city judge.[10]
  • On March 20, 2007, the Seattle Times reported that multiple complaints were raised against Stevens by other residents in his condominium complex. The complaints included vomit on their doors, used condoms on the back porch, loud parties at all hours of the night, and various noise complaints.[11]
  • On October 23, 2010, Stevens was arrested and charged with possession of marijuana. Stevens had been pulled over for playing loud music, when the officer smelled marijuana, and discovered 38 grams of it in his car.[12]
  • On March 3, 2011, Stevens was arrested and charged with felony battery for punching two bouncers in a Tampa, Florida bar. According to his attorney, who denied the charges, after Stevens was released from jail, he was treated for "multiple broken ribs and extensive bruising to his body and face." [13]

HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN? One, DUI’s are one of my pet peeves for rich people. Take a cab, the rest of us making minimum wage somehow figure it out. Two, how do these guys get married?? I know slews of nice, normal guys with regular jobs who have never been accused of sexual harassment, caught for smoking (heavy on the word “caught”) or fighting. And yet again and again, we see these guys get married. See Ben Roethlisberger, Albert Haynesworth,  Lawrence Taylor and Brandon Marshall. 

What is next? Tim Tebow dating Jenna Jameson?

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Its been a while...

Football season has restarted, I've swapped continents (hello Europe!) and a professional sports team is still on lockout.  Some things change, and others stay the same!

I'm going to try to post more in the news few weeks. Possibly even - dare I say it - regularly? Anyways, while I get my act together, I want to leave you with a hilarious new site i've found (okay maybe not new, but new to me). A little too vulgar for me to post directly on my site, but go to the link to check it out. 

It's what I imagine the conversations at the end of the game actually go down like...

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

The Kardashian Kurse?

In light of Lamar Odom's recent argument and benching from the Dallas Mavericks, I have to wonder if there really is a curse surrounding the Kadashian men.

To review, Kim and Khole have been fans of pro sports stars, but unlike the rest of us (or just me) they actually date and marry them.  Khole's record has been better than Kim's in terms of marriage and dating, but outside of TV ratings, how have the husbands really fared?

Khloe and Lamar

Don't get me wrong, Khloe is by far my favorite Kardashian. She's the type of chick who can out drink Dick Cheney, give him hell for his bad aim, then go outshoot him off GW's back porch.  But, despite how awesome she is, Lamar is having a slump.  His recent benching has really been the icing on the cake...the trade from the Lakers to the Mavs, the troubles off the court...lets look at his income over the past 10 years or so. (all figures are from, so blame them if this isn't accurate!)

He starts off making a modest 2.5 million contract with the Lakers in 1999, and receives raises each year until 2009, where he tapped out at a little over 14 million a year.  2010 he gets traded to the Mavericks, and his contract is for only 7.5 million.

What else happened in 2009? Oh, he got married to Khloe. Coincidence?

Kim and Reggie

Kim and Reggie started dating in 2007. (FYI Reggie Bush is a New Orlenas Saints NFL player who won the Heisman trophy out of college). In 2007 he signed a contract with the Saint's totaling a touch over 7 million. Not so shabby. the end of the 2007 season he was missing games due to a torn ligament in his leg. His health problems followed him throughout 2008, and by 2009 he was having historic lows in all categories.  

His luck did turn around by the end of the 2009 season in the playoffs against the Cardinals and was a major help in the Super bowl game that year.  They broke up apparently in 2009, and then got back together again for that Super Bowl win where he did not propose to her as the media reported. They finally split for good in 2010. 

Reggie Bush was under investigation for receiving perks and benefits while in college that were against NCAA rules for years before this, but the allegations came to a head and Bush was stripped of the trophy only a few months after he and Kim split. 

Okay, maybe she can't be to blame for his injuries or the stuff he took in college, but another Kardashian man down the tubes.

Kim and Kris

Do I even need to recap his career, or their "whirlwind" romance? 

So, what do you think? Do you think there is a Kardashain kurse? 

Things my husband hates...

I'm not sure about the rest of you, but my husband has very strong,very random opinions about things.  Today's source of anger?

Sophie's French Bakery. The guy who will gladly eat shitty wings at smoke filled bars has immense consternation at sitting a nice cafe with good coffee and baked goods. 


Friday, April 20, 2012

It's been a while!

Wow, a lot has been going on since last time I posted. Tim Tebow is in NYC , Peyton Manning is in Denver, and Mr Khloe Kardashian is benched after a big fight with Mark Cuban (shark tank!)

But what I really wanted to talk about today is the new throw back uniforms that he Steelers debuted.

Have you SEEN these things? It looks like something the hamburgler would wear after he got caught stealing some fries.

I wonder if there was any thought to the irony of the steelers legal dramas and the new uniforms. Let's look at their line up (ha ha)

Obviously there is Big Ben, who blessed us with the awesome line "take my shots, bitches"'. Who can turn down a guy like that, especially after his second allegation of sexual harassment. I wonder if that was how he got his wife?

Haines Ward, who I love so much, found himself with a DUI charge last year. (I have a long rant about NFL players and DUIs coming, be warned).

Santonio Holmes. Although he isn't a Steeler anymore, he was their MVP and their first round draft pick, so he still counts. So does his marijuana possessions, several assault cases and an Alex Baldwin-esque refusal to turnoff his iPhone. Props to you, my friend!

What is your take on the uniforms? Does any other team have horrible ones that should be highlighted?

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Tiger's back?

Its been a sad time since football has ended, at least for me. Daytona 500? Meh. Basketball...let me know when the play offs start. Too many games to really get interested. But, as I have recently found out, there is at least one blog worthy battle happening, in golf of all places. 

As I type this, there is a show down happening between Rory McIlroy and Tiger Woods. McIlroy, for those (like me) who aren't into golf, is a young kid from England who has been blowing up the PGA for a few years. I was busy watching Tiger implode and marveling at the hot pink outfits of Paula Creamer, and missed this kid who apparently graduated from hogwarts. 

At this PGA tour in Florida today, Rory is dominating, but Tiger is coming back. This is his best round in a long, long time, at least since he got bashed by a nine iron in his front yard. 

It has to make you wonder what has changed though. The Internet blew up last year when he started dating again, but his golf game was still suffering. Makes me think that maybe his magic was in his philandering.  And if i'm right (it's my blog so obviously I am) then maybe he is back to his old ways. And if so, does anyone have the right to say anything now that he is a single, unattached guy? 

Makes you wonder if the scandal would have gone down differently had he admitted to the source of his power right off the bat? 

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Well its over..

That's right folks, football season is DONE!

You know what that means? Free Sundays! (And Monday nights, and Thursdays...) Ladies, this is our time to reclaim Sundays. For the next few weekends, with football still fresh in their mind, we can monopolize Sundays and try to even out the score.

My plans for this Sunday? Brunch and then the state fair, plus a nice dinner tonight. Only a few more weeks though, then we have National signing day, the draft, and endless predictions of where Peyton Manning will end up. (Sickly, I'm kind of excited to see)

How long until you start missing the Sunday sports, even just a *tiny* bit? I give myself 6 weeks...

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Are you smarter than a NFL Quarterback?

Have you all heard of the Wonderlic exam? This thing is pretty interesting. Essentially, its the SAT's for college quarterbacks. It has 50 questions and last 12 minutes and is supposed to test a qb's ability to make quick decisions, pattern formation, etc.

Because you know, algebra is SO essential in football, right?

But, with the draft coming up, I was wondering who had the highs and lows and how it actually reflected on their playing ability. The average score is 21, and the highest reported contemporary player got a 48 in NINE minutes. That would be Ryan Fitzpatrick, Bills quarterback and Harvard graduate. With a 3.7 GPA. In economics. Hopefully this means he will invest his millions of dollars well, and not end up on a VH1 show after his NFL career.

So if he is the current highest, who is the lowest? Good ol' Wikipedia (confirmed by Walters Football Site...not sure how reputable it is, but accuracy isn't REALLY what this site is about) states that Vince Young supposedly scored a 6 on his first try. Which means he got his name right? Maybe? He apparently retook the test, and got a 16. I'm pretty sure all that "jump" indicates is that he is a bad guesser. 

However, maybe the big test is of emotional intelligence. Vince Young ended up having a huge blow out and Terrell Owens style melt downs, and got traded to be the back up QB to Michael Vick of the Eagles. Yep, backup to the guy who organized dog fighting. Bet he never anticipated his career ending THAT way...

This is the guy who scored a 48?

After reading about the test, of course I wanted to know how I would do. I have a college degree (2!) and a Masters...I must do okay on the test, right? (Good god I hope I do) 

On ESPN's fake Wonderlic indicator (i'm sure its as accurate as that mood ring I had in middle school) I got 11 out of the 15 fake questions in the 5 minutes. Maybe I should give Ryan Fitzpatrick a call?

Try is! How did you do? 

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Vegan athletes

I have recently gone vegan - survived four months of no cheese, which is a minor miracle!I have received all kinds of flak from my (male) co workers regarding my new diet, generally as they wolf down their 2nd helping of Popeyes.  I read a lot of vegan food blogs for recipe ideas and inspiration, and recently was on for some protein powder. I got to thinking - if they make this stuff, there has to be an audience outside of people like me.

Sure enough, there are quite a few. Not exactly what I would picture as vegans though. The first article I found was called "The 247lb vegan". That's one big dude, and none other than Tony Gonzalez, the hall of famer tight end.
Not exactly a small guy!

Another guy who I have never heard of, Mac Tanzig, is an MMA fighter who is vegan. He is a terrifying guy (MMA is kind of scary all together. But that's a whole other blog post). He apparently has gone vegan for ethical reasons. Ironic that a guy who professionally beats up people for a living feels bad about eating meat..


The very, very best though is that there is a whole web site dedicated to vegan body builders. Its like this secret network of huge guys who share tofu recipes as they get oiled up in their mankini. Gross, but kind of fascinating. Their daily diets resemble elephants. 

And just the other day I read that the Williams sister's are not only going vegan, but raw too. That is intense - I wonder if they will look any differently now?

Any other athletes that you know that are vegan? And more importantly, will the Williams sisters start to look different on this raw diet?

Monday, January 2, 2012

Tim Tebow dating Taylor Swift

I'm sure i'm not the first on the internet to have this idea, but really - it's brilliant.

I'm no huge fan of Tim Tebow. God knows that he is everywhere these days. ESPN was pretty much the Tebow Network. Tebowing, then Teboozing, swept over Christmas parties and sports bars at least in the Tampa area, (I cant even imagine what Colorado was like), and my dear co-worker will send out the Tebow news story of the day, no matter how hard we try to unsubscribe. He just is not that great of a QB, he is no where near the Brady department, and i'm still waiting for his sex scandal to come out, but besides all that, he seems like a nice guy.

I watched some interview with him (which of course I cannot find) where he talked about his upcoming match against Kyle Orton (who formerly played ahead of him on the Broncos, then was traded mid season due to popular demand by the Broncos fans) and all he had to say was something along the lines of: He is a nice guy, I wish him the best, I'm rooting for him.


I mean, a nice change from the trash talking days of Terrel Owens, but come on. Its as believable as Taylor Swift being surprised for winning her 298th award for song of the year. I love T-Swizzle like you would not believe, but at some point there is TOO nice.

But maybe that is what would make them work. Taylor Swift is way public about her bad break ups and boyfriends (every song on every CD, practically). Imagine the lyrics she could come up with if her and Tebow broke up? I'm no song writer, but I can imagine something about a 50 yard line, scoring touch downs, and sacking her emotions. Maybe too racy for the two of them?

Well, there at least wont be any lines about intercepting his heart - he would have to throw the ball for that!

(look, they agree!)

What do you think? Plausible couple? Maybe we can get Patti Stanger to do a celebrity match maker...

Joe Flacco vs Mark Sanchez aka Battle of the Brows:

There are so many comparisons of football players -stats, skill levels and every measurement important to predicting the next win. But really, I care very little about stats and skills than I do appearance and back stories. So low and behold, the first of what I hope is a series of match ups.

I think everyone has seen Mark's latest magazine cover (how can you miss it!? Its awesome) and Joe is only known for the unibrow.  I’ve been a fan of these two since they entered the NFL (Joe, 2008, Mark in 2009.) Both ended up as rookie starters, and now both have made it to my Fantasy League.

Lets take a look at their draft photos to start the match up:

Check out the brows on both these guys. It’s something serious. I know Mark is known for his dimples (they are nice) check out the brows. They have potential to get seriously out of hand. And although Joe has gotten some help (see example here) Mark has had a better grip on his since the beginning. Probably someone mentioned to him he will be on National TV every. single. week.

Love life
No doubt Joe Flacco is the winner in this category.  Joe met his now wife, Dana, in his senior year of high school. Fast forward nine years, they are married in the same chapel his parents got married at. And not only is she super cute, she must be a pretty awesome chick to take these photos…

Close up…look, nice brows!

Ridiculously cute. And is Jason Prezant around to do my wedding?

Now…on to Mark.
Mark is a whole different story. Starting with his time a USC where he was accused of sexually assaulting a girl. NICE. Maybe there should be a club for him, Ben Rothlesburger and other great, stand up characters. Now, the charges were dropped and nothing else came from it, but still. You know Joe would never be in a situation like that.

Since the draft, there have been an endless string of girlfriend rumors. I didn’t really investigate all of them (honestly, there were WAY too many) but the most recent has him hooking up with a 17 year old girl. Way to go Ben, I mean Mark.

His first GQ ad is making a lot more sense....

Apparently being the 5th draft pick makes you eligible for GQ?  Look at those thighs…yeecch.  And there are also rumors he has his last name tattooed on the inside of his lip. Gross.

Charity work

I'm going to call this one a draw. Mark has the worlds greatest back story when it comes to charity work. He works with the Atlas Foundation  which is kind of like the Make a Wish Foundation. Mark meets Aiden Binkley, a 11 year old with terminal cancer. What was supposed to be a one time meet turned into a friendship. From the article in ESPN:

“They became texting buddies and, one day, Sanchez surprised Aiden's parents 
by asking, "Can I come over?" When Sanchez arrived, the boy was sleeping.
 Sanchez sat at Aiden's feet, waiting until he woke up.

"He opened his eyes and there was Mark, sitting on the couch," Lisa said. 
"He was so sweet."They ended up having a long conversation, like a couple of old friends. 
Aiden took Sanchez to his bedroom and showed him his sports stuff, including his hockey stick.”   
(Read the whole story here…worth the time!)   

Super sweet! (and I'm going to avoid any creepy references here, because the article really makes it awesome and not weird that he wants to hang out with 11 year olds)

But now onto Joe…there isn’t anything as well publized as Mark’s story, but what you can dig up is freakin phenomenal. Currently they are selling Flaccos Unibrow’s to raise money for the Raven’s Courage House and St. Vincents. Flacco fully endorsed this, and that are pretty sexy, if I do say so myself.

Last year he went as “the Situation” to a Halloween charity fundraiser, and went as far as shaving lightning bolts and the state of New Jersey into his head. No spray tan though, he was still his trademark translucent color.  Can't wait for this years costume....

In actual football stats, Mark tops Joe. But only slightly.  Mark may have better stats, but this blog isn’t about stats. Its about back stories, and the people. But in case someone asks....

                               Joe                                         Mark
                          Rating:                  80.9                                       78.2
                          Yards:                   3610                                       3474
                          Touch Downs:      20                                           26

My winner? Joe Flacco!

What do you think?

Tips for successfully choosing a sports bar

If you find yourself heading to a sports bar, instead of say, having a nice brunch or a picnic outside, here are some ideas to survive the day.

A smoke free bar.
Even if you are a smoker, no one wants to sit in a cloud of toxic gas for 4 or 5 hours. And smokers, at a non smoking bar you have a GREAT reason to excuse yourself every 15 or 20 minutes or so.

Find the food
Try to negotiate a bar with good food. Not that hot wings at hooters isn’t awesome every now and then, but if this is a regular experience you will need something that doesn’t get topped with blue cheese dressing. I started to resemble a lineman by the end of my first football season. 

If you can convince a girlfriend to come by and visit you, DO IT! It will help pass the time substantially. Group viewings are always a smart idea – someone will be willing to talk to you. On that same note, never, ever, go with your guy and one of his friends. I guarantee that the time will be spent drooling on yourself as they sit  in silence except for the occasional exclamation about some play. They will then look surprised/annoyed when you try to make conversation.  (nope, not bitter…)

Iphone, Kindle, Ipad, book…hell an Etch-a-Sketch will do in times like these. The people watching will be good, but even that can only last so long.

Comfort is king here. If you get stuck sitting around eating wings and drinking beer, elastic waistbands are your friend.  Warm clothes are good (why IS the a/c always up so high?) Suggests wearing something cute and low cut, but Im not so sure She REALLY know. Why give him cleavage AND sports? Talk about a two for one. What do you get? A bunch of drunks yelling at a TV screen? Not even Mark Sanchez can make that okay. Save the boobs for the picnic or brunch. 

If none of this works, drink heavily and start planning next weekend. 

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

New Year's is a great time to start new things, including this blog. I have played around with the idea of doing this for a while - even went as far as getting a twitter feed and creating a few posts to "get ready". Obviously getting ready basically equaled never posting.

I'm saying forget organizing, planning and prepping, I'm just going to write. Get out there and just play (to keep on a sports metaphor) and see where the blog takes me. It will be rooted in sports, but be more of a space for  random comments and thoughts as I spend my weekends in sports bar.

Here I go!