Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Hair hair everywhere

I've recently decided to lower my maintenance level. The eyelash extensions are off, I'm hanging up the hair extensions for now, and thinking of how to limit my highlights. I know, i know, but I grew up in California and spent a few years in Tampa. This stuff doesn't even SEEM weird anymore. It seems weird when someone doesn't have a handful of hair extensions under their sink. 

So, as most of you ladies know (and maybe a few of you guys?) growing out blonde hair is an ugly, ugly process. It looks somewhere between skunky and trailer trash. It got me thinking though - at least I have an option of ombre, highlights or just flat out dying it. Poor Tim Tebow didn't have any of those options when he got a hazing haircut...

He did eventually shave his whole head, but it got me to thinking, who else in the sports world has had cringe worthy hair? Here's a few of my favorites...

Troy Polumlu. I just want to give it a keratin treatment and attack it with a flat iron. I pretty much LOVE all of his Head and Shoulders commercials though.

David Beckham. It should seriously be illegal for a man this good looking to have hair THIS bad. I mean, he pulls it off about as well as a white guy can...but ugh. 
Anyone else I'm missing? Or any tips on ways to grow out dark roots without looking like this...

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Things are changing around here a little...

Since I've made the move to Europe, my blogging has died out. Partially because, well, i'm in EUROPE and I've had other things going on than writing. The other reason is that the sports over here don't interest me as much as football. I don't get ESPN, and there are no Sundays spent in sports bars. The really big sports over here are soccer and rugby, which I REALLY don't understand. (I tried one night to get someone to explain it to me, but it still didn't work. Possibly the beers? But it still looks like a bunch of really huge, unpadded men playing a bastardized football.)

There is an american style football team over here though, and I need to get to a game before we move back to the states. Kaiserslautern Pikes

ANYWAYS. I digress. The point is, I'll still be talking about sports, but I'm going to venture into other things on my mind as well.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Colin Kaepernik - the guy we have all dated.

You know that guy. The guy you met during that low point in your life in between college and a career. You were living at home, maybe, and were trying to avoid running into people you went to high school with. After a few too many craft beers, you meet this guy. Tattoos, no real stable job, but cracks you up and orders you another beer. You agree to meet again at another bar later on that week, which leads to a river date, and next thing you know, you're in a quasi relationship with THAT guy.

He may or may not have had a few run ins with the police. He knows all the local bouncers, has more than a few fights under his belt, and has the best weed supplier on speed dial.

Bonus points if he has his area code tattooed somewhere.

Eventually you start to look forward to his calls. Even if you know its not going anywhere, it's still a good time. Then one day, you walk into your favorite dive bar after not hearing from him for a week or so, and there he is with a super bleached out slightly overweight girl, who he explains is his girlfriend/wife/baby mama.

As you leave, you realize its a good wake up call, you could have become THAT girl. Its the kick in your ass to rededicate yourself to job applications  and moving out to anywhere.

So what I want to know is, how did THAT guy end up as starting quarterback?? He replaced Alex Smith who has done decently for the 49ers in the past. Alex Smith got one concussion, and next thing you know there is Kaepernik. Sort of like when you missed that ONE party and you hear he is making out with a new girl.

Don't worry Alex, we have all been there. Get some ice cream and some wine, and just know that karma will catch up to one day.

Dammit, it better.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Kate Upton is dating WHO?

That was my question today while I was listening to Dan Patrick (Dan Peeezy for all you who don't know).  I've been a big Kate Upton fan since I found out she used to show horses, and as a Sports Illustrated cover model, she HAS to have her pick of guys.

 Not exactly what I wear to ride, but whatever floats your boat!

So i'm guessing now - it must be an athlete since it was on Dan Peezy, and of course my guess is football or basketball player. I'm thinking like a young QB, maybe a Cam Newton or a Brady Quinn? (Who I would date in a heart beat). Nope, its Justin Verlander.

I had to google this guy, because I don't follow baseball at all, except I know there is some famous pitcher they call the beard. I was SO hoping she didn't end up dating him - not sure my mind could handle that. Here's who he is.

Cute, in an aw-shucks kind of way. I guess he is the pitcher for the Detroit Tigers and is doing pretty well. Nothing too interesting on his, except that he has a pregame ritual of eating Taco Bell. And he gets his Mexican Pizza without tomatoes (my favorite).

Points for the tacos, but I'm not sure this relationship is going to be a long lasting one...

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Babies, Babies, Babies

Living in a military community, it is amazing the amount of children people have around here. I don't know if it's the water, or that birth control stops working after deployments, but this is most certainly a family community. You know, just like the NFL.

Congratulations Ben! You're now a father!

Big Ben and his wife just had their first baby, a boy named after his Dad. While congratulations are certianlly in order, you have to wonder what will happen as little Ben gets older. What will those conversations about girls be like? 

"You know son, when you meet a girl and try to use a pick up line, try something else besides 'take my shots, bitches'". 

or maybe something more like:

"If you're at the club late, just say no to hanging out near the ladies bathrooms". 

Seriously though, with google remembering everything we ever have done or written, a lot of future parents are going to need to be coming up with some excuses. Those wild trips to Mexico, or that one bad relationship won't ever just fade away anymore. It's there, forever. FOR-EV-ER. 

Maybe the Kardashian's' have it right. Their kids won't even have to read the stories, they can just watch old reruns of how Mom and Dad's relationship fell apart. 

Monday, November 26, 2012

A Thanksgiving without football

A thanksgiving without football in my family is like a Christmas without a tree, or Fourth of July without fireworks.  Growing up, holidays always had a football sound track served with beer and taco dip. Every year, no matter the location. Taco dip + football = holidays.

Now that I've moved to Germany, football doesn't really happen the same way it used to. We have NFL game pass, but listening to games on the laptop at 7pm just doesn't evoke the same feelings.

Weird how a sport that used to piss me off has some how become so integral to the holiday season. It's official, I've been converted.

Tebow missed his thanksgiving this year too

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Count down to trouble?

Hope Solo recently got married. To recall, Hope Solo is the face of the US women’s soccer team, twice gold medalist, model for Sports Illustrated “bodies” issue, and of Dancing with the Stars.

I had never heard of her husband, an apparent former NFL player named Jerramy Stevens (not a typo). 

Not a bad looking guy...

According to Wikipedia (my source of choice tonight it seems) he is currently a free agent, but has been pretty busy in the past few years. In between playing some mediocre football, this is what else he has been up to:

  • On June 2, 1998, Stevens was arrested on charges of second-degree assault armed with a deadly weapon and fourth-degree assault. According to a police report, Stevens and a friend engaged in a fight with a 17-year-old and witnesses said Stevens stomped on the man's face. Stevens agreed to a plea deal of a charge of misdemeanor assault.
  • On July 10, 1998, Stevens tested positive for marijuana and served a day in jail.
  • On July 27, 2000, Stevens was arrested for the sexual assault of a 19-year-old University of Washington freshman. Stevens initially denied having sex with the accuser, but later admitted to having sex with her in the yard of a fraternity house in the early morning hours of June 4, 2000, after a fraternity party, but maintained it was consensual. However, a UW student who walked by and witnessed them having sex called 911 to report it as a possible rape, noting that the woman appeared to be drugged; he described her as "half passed out ... eyes glazed ... no one home."[7][8] Stevens's semen was found in the victim, who was penetrated vaginally and anally, and numerous witnesses testified that she acted as if drugged at the party. Police suspected a date rape drug was given to the woman at the party, but blood samples were taken too late for testing. Despite these suspicions, the King County prosecutor declined to file rape charges against Stevens due to "confusing and conflicting statements".[7][8] A civil suit, which resulted in a settlement, was later filed by the victim. The civil settlement was not publicly disclosed, but according to published reports included a $300,000 payment by Stevens to the plaintiff. The investigation and aftermath of this incident and the subsequent decision to not charge Stevens were reported by the Seattle Times.[7][8]
  • On May 4, 2001, Stevens was cited for reckless driving and hit and run after crashing into a nursing home. Stevens pleaded guilty to hit-and-run and causing property damage and was sentenced to 240 hours of community service.
  • On April 3, 2003, Stevens was stopped by Medina, Washington police and was charged with reckless driving and driving while intoxicated. He pleaded guilty to reckless driving and was fined $1,000 and was sentenced to two days in jail because the judge ruled Stevens violated his probation from the hit-and-run case.
  • On March 13, 2007, Stevens was arrested in Scottsdale, Arizona for suspicion of DUI after his blood alcohol content was measured at 0.204, over twice the legal limit of .08 and considered "extreme DUI" in Arizona. He was later found guilty in a court trial, and was subsequently sentenced to 12 days in jail and fined $3,160.[9] This sentence was later decreased to 10 days by a Scottsdale city judge.[10]
  • On March 20, 2007, the Seattle Times reported that multiple complaints were raised against Stevens by other residents in his condominium complex. The complaints included vomit on their doors, used condoms on the back porch, loud parties at all hours of the night, and various noise complaints.[11]
  • On October 23, 2010, Stevens was arrested and charged with possession of marijuana. Stevens had been pulled over for playing loud music, when the officer smelled marijuana, and discovered 38 grams of it in his car.[12]
  • On March 3, 2011, Stevens was arrested and charged with felony battery for punching two bouncers in a Tampa, Florida bar. According to his attorney, who denied the charges, after Stevens was released from jail, he was treated for "multiple broken ribs and extensive bruising to his body and face." [13]

HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN? One, DUI’s are one of my pet peeves for rich people. Take a cab, the rest of us making minimum wage somehow figure it out. Two, how do these guys get married?? I know slews of nice, normal guys with regular jobs who have never been accused of sexual harassment, caught for smoking (heavy on the word “caught”) or fighting. And yet again and again, we see these guys get married. See Ben Roethlisberger, Albert Haynesworth,  Lawrence Taylor and Brandon Marshall. 

What is next? Tim Tebow dating Jenna Jameson?